How does it get better? How in the hell does “it get better”?
#itgetsbetter is a powerful movement on the world wide web. Check it out here. It gets better has a powerful message and one I resonate with, not because I am gay, or lesbian, or bisexual, or queer, or transgender. I know and love people who are, yet this message can resonate with any human. It gets better, but how does it get better?
It gets better is a universal message because most of us have been called names, slurs, made fun of, been bullied and harassed for simply being who we are. For loving who we do. For dressing how we like. For acting how is comfortable. For being our own wildly unique interesting diverse selves. How does it get better for all of us?
It may be by our parents who think “they are doing it out of love to make us tougher” or “are just joking, why can’t you take a joke?” It may be by teachers and counselors who do not see our worth. It may be by bishops and priests who are hiding their own sexuality and are full of shame and fear.
What ever it is for you. It gets better. How does it get better, though?
As I was hiking with my two rescue dogs tonight I found my flow. I found my rhythm. I found my breath. And despite fighting a barking cough and soar throat, I found myself suddenly happy and peaceful. I instantly was questioning how this suddenly happens for no reason. After all the times and years I yearned and longed to feel this, after all of the months of being lonely, or sad, or tired, how does it all of a sudden “get better?” When I meditate and hike with peace and happiness in mind, how is it so elusive? And when I drag my sorry ass up a hill, coughing the whole way, the crazy stalker named happiness finds me, and tackles me from behind, and bear hugs me for all that happiness is worth.
So, how in the hell does it get better? What does it take, other than just hanging out and breathing in and out for years, possibly enduring abuse, neglect, fear, doubt and unhappiness? Yes, for God sake, other than all of that crap. What steps can we take to “make it happen?”
Step One: Decide. Decide you are going to stick around and keep breathing in and out. Decide, and then when the thoughts, feelings and plans cross you soul, stop them, and then decide again to think a different thought, one that will make it get better. Decide to stop putting any effort, thought, or action, into your own demise.
Step Two: Stop. Stop engaging in the crazy abuse you are enduring. Unfortunately, most of us have been raised in situations that have trained us to endure and engage in the abuse cycle. It is difficult to see, and stop that cycle when it is second nature. Stop. Transcend to your First Nature. Even if it is under your covers, in your bed, after you have cried until you can’t breathe. Stop the abuse. And, depending on how old you are it may be YOU who is also inflicting abuse onto others. STOP IT!
Step Three: See. Set your sights on what you want. See it. Keep in the fore front of your mind and heart and soul what you do want, and how you want to be treated. This is important even if you haven’t ever been treated how you long to be and if you have no idea how that would feel, or look or be. Seek it out until you know it with every fiber of your being. See the life you want.
Step Four: Move. Make a conscious move everyday toward that want. Talk to someone you have an urge to, even if it is just to make eye contact and simply say, “Hi!” Consciously move toward the spaces, and places, people and events, food and music, books and entertainment, pastimes and hobbies that make you feel the magic, that help you feel lighter (if only for a moment). Move toward the light. Move toward what makes you feel better. Move toward peace.
Step Five: Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
These are five steps to how it gets better and I know there are many, many more. Will you please share your steps with us?